Being told someone is disappointed in you is supposedly worse than having someone be angry with you. Not only am I utterly, ashamedly disappointed in myself I am absolutely livid at my lack of will power and restraint. I tried to give up smoking and it barely lasted a week. It often takes giving something up to make you realise how much you would miss these insignificant things if they weren’t there. I didn’t realise that nearly everyone I knew was a smoker and that I was constantly surrounding myself with my nicotine demon.
For the first few days I think I just about managed; I allowed myself an ‘emergency’ cigarette and found that this was a momentarily satisfying loophole in going cold turkey. If I had just one a day, usually sometime in the early afternoon, I found I could manage the rest of the day without one. Then when I thought about it, I was still smoking, I hadn’t quit but I had just made gradually weaning myself off a passable excuse for not quitting. Therefore, I never really quit smoking in the first place but I’ve effectively quit the idea of quitting. I found that easy to do because I didn’t have a deadline to cut them out completely. I did to start with but there was no cold turkey involved. Maybe if the term ‘cold turkey’ was more appealing then it could be something I actually wanted to do but nobody wants to voluntarily make themselves dejected for more than 24 hours.
This is exactly why I tried to quit so early on. Had I left it 6 months before Kilimanjaro it would have never happened. I don’t want anything to jeopardize this for me and it’s frustrating that it’s me who is in effect doing so.
It would be a lot easier if EVERYONE would quit as well…
For the first few days I think I just about managed; I allowed myself an ‘emergency’ cigarette and found that this was a momentarily satisfying loophole in going cold turkey. If I had just one a day, usually sometime in the early afternoon, I found I could manage the rest of the day without one. Then when I thought about it, I was still smoking, I hadn’t quit but I had just made gradually weaning myself off a passable excuse for not quitting. Therefore, I never really quit smoking in the first place but I’ve effectively quit the idea of quitting. I found that easy to do because I didn’t have a deadline to cut them out completely. I did to start with but there was no cold turkey involved. Maybe if the term ‘cold turkey’ was more appealing then it could be something I actually wanted to do but nobody wants to voluntarily make themselves dejected for more than 24 hours.
This is exactly why I tried to quit so early on. Had I left it 6 months before Kilimanjaro it would have never happened. I don’t want anything to jeopardize this for me and it’s frustrating that it’s me who is in effect doing so.
It would be a lot easier if EVERYONE would quit as well…
No comments:
Post a Comment